inarticulate

Because I guess I live my life through trying to please. Not just you, or him, or her - but everyone, everyone slotted into the spinning top of our lives. Because I guess I live my life through the validation of others, seeing the reactions of pride or joy (and sometimes despair) panned across their faces. So when you ask me what I want to do or what I like or how I feel, I guess I shake. The assurances falter; the focus is changed. But that doesn't mean I am putting all my faith in you. Although I am. Because you are the one I have chosen to share life with and support throughout. But more than that, you are the one I see the greatest potential in. So maybe sometimes you do take up the spaces in my life; the love or the looks or the long, lazy hours.

I wish I could say that I was sorry for that- but I would be lying if I did. Because sometimes you can't see it (and sometimes I am guilty of this too) but I love you for all that you are. And maybe I do shake and I do falter through all of those things I do not pretend to know, but maybe that is just because my heart has not yet told my brain. Because in there - and this is where I would point to my chest - I am full of ideas about where I want to go and what I want to see and who I want to meet, I just don't listen. But I promise you next time I do - next time I feel it rising - I will tell you about it and we will talk it through. Because sometimes I think that is what we're missing.

Although most of the time, I don't think we're missing anything at all.